IM ON THE LOSING BENCH !! LETS SEE THOSE NUMBERS !

Yup ! Thats right ! I had my Gastric Bypass surgery last Wed . Noc 30th ! Since then I have lost 12 lbs !!! Yes 12 lbs in 7 days ! INSANE ! Granted most of it was problay water weight but hell ill take it! Id like to say that my surgery was a breeze but it was not. I was and still am in alot of pain. Even having laproscopy surgery , its still a big deal. I ended up back in the ER yesterday because i was hurting so dam much. Thankfully my surgen showed up and rescued me with better drugs. Today I feel alot better and im just so excited about my new life coming!! Iam very very tired because im still healing but that should pass in another week or so.
  In other news my lil boy is almost 9 months old WOW ! I cant believe that this time last year i was dreaming of his very first christmas and now its almost here !! Hes got a ton of toys from santa! Sadly since my surgery im not allowed to pick him up yet. It really stinks! Thank god for my husband. Hes really stepped it up. He had to take two weeks off work to take care of me and matty . This is a man who never ever got up in the middle of the night with the baby before so him doing it all on his own is a big deal !! Im very proud of him and im glad he can finally see what it feels like to be a full time " mommy" . haha
  OKAY SO DOWN TO MY NUMBERS !!
Pre-op 327
7 days out - 311.0
   UNREAL !!! SO HAPPY !! 16lbs TOTAL LOSS SO FAR !

I GOT A DATE !! =)

Hello neglected blogspot . Its been some time since Ive updated only because Ive had major issues with my insurance company. There was a time when I didnt think I was going to be able to even have surgery still. So now that all that's in place , we are back on schdule and im having surgery on Nov 16th !! =) Im SO excited and just ready inside and out to start this new phase of my life. Its going to be awesome !)
   Having a major surgery like this makes you think about all the people in your life and how grateful you should be for each day . Im very grateful for my beautiful baby boy and the wonderful man in my life. If anything should happen to me on the table .. I would go completly satisfied with my life. =)
 If I make it off the table .. and I hope I do :P Im really going to try and focus on each day as it comes. Trying not to stress out about my weight or get addicted to the scale.

He loves me Fat .

 I gotta tell ya that .. everyday closer to my surgery im realizing just how different my life is going to be. I think about clothes that I own right now .. that i will NEVER have to wear again. I think about clothes I own right now that are too small and how one day they will be lose .. and then bigger and bigger till they wont fit anymore. I think about how it wont be such a struggle just to get around and do simple things. I think about feeling beautiful inside and out for my husband. I think about how the way he looks at me will change .. no long with pitty .. but with excitment. No longer 2nd best but best ever .
  And then after all that .. i think about my sons smile . How when he see's me now .. he gets the biggest smile in the world on his face .. he loves me just the way i am . He loves me fat . <3 If I could bottle up that love and take it with me everywhere I went .... sighs . He is my world . .He is my reason.

GOT MY CLEARENCE !

 I go tmy clearnence from the Psych and now all i need is my sleep apena clearnce to get my date !

CHECK !

 Seen the nurtionsist tonight and she was SUPER COOL !! Im all done there for now ! Now tomorrow is my psych lady ! woot !

testing testing ..

 So tonight the nutrionist  and tomorrow the Psyc clearance ! Its all coming together ! =)  I have so much to do that sometimes i forget what the hell im going throe all this for ! maybe its better that way so im not stressing out about it .
  who the hell knows.

 next week Endoscopy w/biposy.

Sleep Apena date ~

 So I FINALLY made it to my sleep apena consult!! My actual test isnt till Aug 2nd but im holding out hope that someone cancels and i get their spot. He said it happens all the time.
 Next week is my nurtion appt and Psych appt. Everything is really coming together ! I cant belive it ! Im so happy im getting all these test done finally. Im getting closer and closer to my surgery date. Its funny , I really havent thought about all the changes lately. Right now it still seems like a dream . Im sure it will all hit me once im on that pre-op liquid diet ! haha Totally not looking forward to that but whatever it takes =)

Are you serious ?

 One of the requirements for my insurance approval was to have a dr. supervised documented 3 month diet. Which was totally fine ! As of this morning , they now require a 6 month diet for gastric bypass.
  SO heres to a extra 3 months of waiting ! =( SO BUMMED !!! I really had it in my head that I would be well on my way and thinner by Christmas !! Now it looks like I wont even have surgery till then !

  Itleast now i have plenty of time to do all my testing.  =(

my bones hurt

 My pain is getting worse and worse. Im guessing that this is what fibromyalgia feels like ? Im guessing that this is what I have . Ive always had pain but its 100xs worse these days. I know this isn't going to make any sense but i hurt inside my bones. I hurt all the time. I never feel good anymore. Ive learned to just suck it up most of the day because I have no choice. Have to take care of Matty. But like right now .. i can barely walk.  My feet and legs hurt so badly that walking to the bathroom seems like a nightmare. Even in sneakers  i feel like im going to collapse. My fingers hurt really bad too ! But im ignoring it. I know James is probable tired of hearing me say " My legs hurt .. my feet hurts .. owie owie " . Im pretty sick of hearing it myself !

 Something has got to give. My Dr is a total waste of time when it comes to this. Everytime Ive mentioned it he ignores me.

Gastro Consult & Pain

Tomorrow is my consult with the Gastro guy ! This is my very first appt on my " DO to " list ! Im so glad im getting this ball rolling ! I really hope they can get me in for the Upper GI asap . I dont wanna wait another month to have it done.

  Been doing alot of yard work lately. I like doing it and it helps me blow off some steam. Ive been pretty sstressed out with all this .. so it helps.

 My feet are kILLING ME !! They are so painful ! Shooting pains go up my foot and then up my leg . It makes me want to just cry. Ive almost fallen over a few times because the pain was so bad I lost balance.

I know you are reading this ..

 Now I checked my stats last night and WHOA !! You guys are actually reading this !! So stop in , say hello !! Share your stories with me ! Dont be scared!! =)

Breakdown followed by good day ~

 So last night I pretty much lost it. Tears, snot the whole 9 . I felt so pathetic .I felt like a horrible mother because Im so big . I felt like I was falling apart by the sec!! Not to mention I tripped and almost fell because my feet & legs hurt so badly i couldn't even walk. This all came about after I had worked so hard to get a appt with this doctor and my ride fell through! But thanks to my wonderful, beautiful sister in law , im gonna make it ! I seriously dont know what i would do without her. She always seems to have everything so together and she looks great! Im hoping ill be more like her oneday. Did I mention she has 5 awesome kids and still looks like she's 23 ? She is seriously my hero.
  Sooooo anyway  ... this after noon ... my nutritionist  called to make my appt ! Ive been waiting on this lady forever ! THEN my PCP office manger called and said she had all my referrals i needed for the next  4 appts ! woot ! =)
 I know this probably  makes no sense to anyone reading this but it makes perfect sense to me and thats pretty much all that matters :P

Testing Testing Testing !!

 omg .. all these test are driving me nuts !! I havent even had one of them yet and im already sick of it ! Im having a real problem trying to schedule them all within the time frame the surgeon gave me to have them all done. Some im basically jumping thro hoops here trying to get it all finished up to get this party started ! My PCP office manger hates my guts .. I know it !! haha I bug her every single day needed another referral for something or another . oh well , its her job right ? :P

Gastric bypass on my mind ...

 Okay . So I have a previous post where im talking about I dont know whether to get the lap band or Gastric bypass.  Altho my mind was set on lap band because the idea of it sounds so wonderful .. my mind keeps going back to the bypass. Heres the reasons why after MUCH MUCH thought and for ME and my life and family .. im thinking gastric bypass would be the best option.
 I dont like the idea of having a device inside me .
 I dont want to deal with fills and Pbing , sliming, slippage, being too tight  or any of the other things that come with lap band.
I dont want to lose my weight slowly and I dont want to cut out carbs completely . I like carbs. I FEEL like i should be able to eat healthy and still lose weight . Rather than not eating this or that and really struggling to keep the food down.
 The gastric bypass recovery isnt as long as i thought it was so thats a huge PLUS for me !!
With the bypass ITS DONE !! All i need to do is live and keep my protein up .
I want a lIFE change . I think some people the band because its reversible . I dont want reversible. I want forever.
 SO far this is the best option for ME . The idea of the lap band just keeps getting further and further away from me .
  Ive made some great lap band friends that are doing very well but its just not for me .
So i will start my " new" gastric bypass journal today !! =)

SLow You're roll !! Insurance doesnt cover EVERYTHING !

 I got a jump start on making all the phone calls today to schedule my appts . To my surprise my insurance doesn't cover everything in regards to testing. It covers the test itself but no medical clearances. Each Dr has his own price for those. Lucky me. Not only are they all the way in Queens which is hours away but now I have to pay. Its like paying someone to make you miserable. Kind of like a bad marriage . ahah
  Im taking this as just a small delay .. and not a sign that this is a bad decision.  In the long run this will just be a small bump in the road and im going to be thin &  SO HAPPY !!

Surgery date in 3 months !!!

 So i got he go ahead from the surgeon to start all the necessary  testing needed before he can do surgery. Im really excited !! However , there is ALOT of tests I have to complete ! He gave me 3 months to complete them all !! Thats really not a lot of time when you have a new baby at home and only one car. Im sure it will be fine tho. Ill get my surgery date in 3 months when ive completed all my testing. I was HOPING to be smaller by our wedding date Oct , 1st . But thats okay .
  He went over all the weight loss surgeries her performs. My insurance covers 2 of them . The lap-band and Gastric Bypass. I think im still leaning toward Lap-band . Mostly because the recovery time is so much shorter and it seems to be less dangerous from what he said. Only about 1 - 3,000 cases something goes wrong with the band. but 1 - 100 cases with the bypass. With a new baby I dont know if I like those odds to much. But i have time to think more about it =)
  In other news I met a chick to start walking with at night ! Im really excited about that because 1  she's really cool and 2nd It will be nice to have a work out buddy ! =)

Off the the surgeons office !

 Hopefully he tells me im a good candidate for the surgery and all goes well . I got ALOT riding on this. like my the rest of my life and well being.

Battles as a fat girl

 There are many reasons I want to lose weight . Like my health , my family , looking and feeling better. But there are MANY everyday things that I struggle with because of my weight. This is me being honest with myself.

1. I dont want to worry if people can see my stomach anymore. Every time I put on a outfit that is the # 1 issue I have. I wear a long tank top or slip underneath almost everything I wear to cover it . No matter how hot it is outside or how ridiculous it makes me look. It looks better than seeing my stomach.
2.Worrying about fitting into a booth at a restaurant. The min I know im going out to eat , i silently worry if im going to find a comfortable seat and if im going to fit in the booth / chair. How embarrassing would that be? Not only for me but for my husband. I feel sorry for him that he has to deal with me and my weight issues.
3. Cant wear cute high heels anymore. I use to be a shoe queen. I had to give all that up when i started gaining weight. I cant wear cute platforms or heels anymore. My knees and legs hurt so badly that even most tennis shoes hurt.
4. Not being able to ride rides at a amusement park because the seats are too small for me to fit into.
5. I cant do jumping jacks ! I just found this out the other day while doing my exercise  dvd . My breast and tummy are too heavy for me to do them.
6. My body giving out on me. Pain everywhere. Its getting worse every day.
7. Not being the best wife I could be for him. I know he loves me and he thinks im beautiful . But he deserves a " 10 " and im about a 4 on a good day.
8.I hate my legs!! I haven't owned a pair of shorts in probably  10 years. They are so massive and ugly I would never want to force anyone to have to look at them in public.
9.Not being able to go hiking or horse back riding. I use to ride when I was younger and i loved it! Now im much to heavy and out of shape to do either. Ive have no stamina  but more so than that .. my tummy hanging down gets in the way. It gets in the way with everything i do .
10. I hardly ever want to do the things i love anymore. like photography . it use to be my passion. now i just feel like ive let myself down so much , why even bother ?
11. Self confidence issues I NEVER had before. Even when I was heavier I still owned that shit ! I never let anything or anyone bother me. Deep inside i was hurting but noone ever knew. Now that im being honest with myself .. im a total wreck!
12. i want to buy cute panties again and look cute in them !

 Well, thats my life for now. hopefully it doesnt grow longer and pretty soon ill be checking some of these things off !! Thats the plan anyway !

Why Thank You Doctor :P

 So, I went to my new PCP this morning. I was in total panic on the way there however. " What if he won't give me a referral James ? "  What if he makes me go on a diet for 6 months James ?" What if he doesn't think im fat ? "  <-- yea right LOL  So after I was done beating myself up and driving James crazy .. we pulled into the office parking lot . " WALK - IN CLINIC " .  Umm .. are we in the right place ? Surely my insurance wouldn't send me to this place .. oh .but THEY DID !! My new PCP is on a walk-in clinic that primarily by the looks of things serves patients addicted to opiates. !!  Now im not saying im better than anyone else .. but I thought i was going to a Dr.Office . Not Hells kitchen ! !
  So i digress  .. we walk in sit .. its pretty shady .. shady office .. shady people ... shady shady .. HOWEVER .. The Dr was pretty nice and had no problems giving me my referral ! He also  was kind enough to give me some   Ibuprofen my knees. ( Altho , ive heard you cant take Ibuprofen once you have the band ? ) Anyhow .. So im one step closer to Band - Land !!!! I see my surgeon Monday morning !!
   I also need to get my New York drivers license monday morning . The good ole DMV ! FUN !

Lap-Band vs Gastric bypass

Ive had my heart set on Lap-band . Ive done copious amounts of research . Im constantly checking lapbandtalk.com to find out more more more ! But this morning I checked my BMI . Its 48.5 ! Lucky me being short ! ugh. Anyway , now im thinking maybe Gastric bypass would be another option for me. I just wont know for sure until i meet with the surgeon. Another thing to consider is the recovery time for the bypass. I have a new baby at home and  i really dont think I can swing that. Theres of course Pros and Cons to both of these procedures . So here they are . 


 LapBand -  Pros  
                                   
Not major surgery 
Recovery time is short 
Lose 50 - 60 % of your weight
Little long term health risk 
You can still eat a regular diet pretty much . Just less. 
Can still carry out a pregnancy healthy
Easily reversible 




 Lap Band - CONS 

 The port sticking out the side of my tummy : / 
Getting & maintaing fills 
Mechanical device in you forever 
Cost of fills 
Getting sick " Pbing " 
"Sliming "  extra salava when band is too tight
 Getting "Stuck "  - Food getting stuck in the band 
Erosion  may occur around the band 
 "Slipage " may occur 
Extream amount of weight loss will require plastic surgery to clean up the after math .




    Gastric Bypass - PROS 


70 - 80 % of your weight is lost in 1- 2 years  ! 80% wow ! 
No fills to worry about 
Very small amount of food. About 1oz. (This could be a Con as well). 
No real maintenance required other than occasional  Drs visit 
No Device on my tummy


  Gastric bypass - CONS 


RECOVERY TIME IS 3 MONTHS !!! whaaat?!!!
Invasive surgery 
They reroute your lower insteins 
"Dumping "  - getting sick 
The scars are much worse 
EXTREME weight loss requires plastic surgery to clean up the after math and then some!


  Well, thats all I can think of right now . I also dont know everything there is to know about either of these procedures but this is what I do know so far. I wish i knew more people that ive had the Gastric bypass. There dont seem to be too many on the forums I visit. 

Im wearing a SKIRT !!!

 So Ive decided I will NOT be being buying  anymore clothes until Ive had surgery. I have a mountain of clothing that ive purchased that is new but i dont wear because " you can see my fat ". Well, I decided today .. You know what ? I AM fat so if I want to wear a skirt, I will ! Mind you were talking a skirt that goes to my knees but ive always been afraid to wear it because I hate my legs !~! Well , no more ! I dont know where this new confidence is coming from but I like it ! Maybe its knowing that im not going to be like this forever? I dont know what it is but the 3 "new " sundresses that have been hanging in my closet begging to be worn thank me ! =)

My last meals

 Food shopping today .Which normally i don't put too much thought into .. wait what ? No thats not true ! Im use to having savory yet fatting meals on my list a week before Its time to go ! Growing up thats how it always was tho. In my family at lunch we were thinking about what we would have for dinner and for dinner we would talk about what we were having the next day . Maybe its being from the south ? Maybe its from not having alot of money ? We didn't have money for new clothes or toys but we always had each other and awesome down south home cooking ! Im VERY much a emotional eater !!
    So my surgery hasn't even been scheduled yet but these last weeks /months are going to be my "Last meals " as a fat person. I have zero intention on going on a diet before my Pre-op liquid diet ! I think that is crazy ! Am I eating fried chicken and donuts all day ?No . Iam somewhat conscious of what goes in. Durning the day anyway :P
  So today I got steak which i know i will probably   never be able to eat with the Lap Band . I bought Italian bread ! Now my fiance is Italian so cutting out breads and pastas is going to be tricky but a must I know. I bought ice cream . It was on sale and to be honest i never really liked it much until i got pregnant . 10 weeks after giving birth .. i still like it ! Not too much very exciting . Some Mikes hard Lemonaids . I like those . Ill have to check the carolies in those for after the band. So all in all I bought a bunch of high calorie fatting foods. Lol This might be harder than I thought!

This is IT !!! Lap-band journey

  So this is it ! My very first post kicking off my lap-Band journey im about to endore ! Im 32 years old and have been heavy most of my life. My weight constantly holding me back will be a thing of the past very soon!! Im so very excited to get the ball rolling and even more so to meet the new me ! Im really looking forward to keeping up with this blog and tracking every step of this process! 
  As of now I have a appt. with my PCP to get a referral to my surgeon . Whom I already have a appt. with for next week ! I was really surprised by that. I thought i would have to get a series of testing done before the meet with the surgeon but not so. The surgeons office takes care of all the testing and dealing with my insurance company! If I would have known i would have started a long time ago!